I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
