i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
thus making me awesome and them whores
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
