Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
