i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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