We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize