thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
