I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
