you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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