My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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