Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
