Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
