Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
