My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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