you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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