piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
