He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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