You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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