oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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