Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
