I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
