DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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