he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
