I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize