apparently the secret to your success is patron
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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