I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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