i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
