What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
