K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
How naked do you want me to be?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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