Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
