ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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