New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
