I want to make a zoo with you.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
