May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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