So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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