just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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