i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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