This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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