dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
