i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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