she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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