I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
