And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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