This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
