clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
