You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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