is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
