He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
