when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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