btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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