I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
