I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
