he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
