I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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