Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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