If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
