everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
