Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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