Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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