I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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