do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
