left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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