Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
