you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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