mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
