haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
