I wannas sexs uuuuu
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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