That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
