so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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