Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Im part way to drunk.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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