Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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