you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
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