i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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