I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
