Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
