I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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