i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
