Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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