When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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