bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
