I feel like abortions should bother me more
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize