I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
