is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
