Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
