the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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