Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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