This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
