Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
