I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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