Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
