I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
COCAINE IS GR8
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
