You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just cut my nipple shaving
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
