I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
