Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
